- Weight: 331.4
- Blood Pressure:
- Systolic: 174
- Diastolic: 117
- Pulse: 93
- Blood Sugar mg/dL: 97
And day 2 begins. The second cold shower, breakfast looming over my head (which I just powered down after writing that line).
I didn’t think this would be easy. I also didn’t think it would be this difficult.
I’ve been on diets plenty of times, sure. Usually I start to really feel it around day 3 or 4, get cranky, and try to press on. I was feeling it after lunchtime on Day 1. And it wasn’t hunger, it was deprivation. This tells me quite clearly what I had felt going into it: this is an addiction.
I would regularly not eat breakfast or lunch and then gorge on some BK when I get home from work. Going without food till dinner is not new to me. This strong sense of “I need to eat something really bad right now” at noon is clearly in my head and not in my stomach.
Also, I’m already sick to death of plain boiled potatoes. Make no mistake: this fucking sucks.
My roommate asked me, “Can’t you prepare them differently, bake them, etc?” Yes, I can. But it won’t change that it’s still plain potatoes. The point of this is for it to suck. To deprive myself.
Overeating (not food, but overeating until I’m laying on the couch like a lizard on a hot rock, trying not to vomit) is my drug. This is my rehab. This is me depriving myself of my drug and going through mental hell until I get to the other side and can build myself back up with proper habits. Of course, being food, I can’t just go cold-turkey. Anorexia is a bad path to go down. This is as close as I can get while still getting vitamins, starch, carbohydrates, and calories to survive.
The cold showers are also quite unpleasant, but that’s a 10-minute trial each day and I’m done.
What I really, really hate more than anything else, though: I can taste potatoes on my tongue all day. I brush, I use mouthwash, I scrape my tongue, and still potatoes all the way from one meal to the next. I didn’t taste it so much when I got up this morning, apparently 8+ hours is enough time for it to go away. Then, time for breakfast! Potatoes.
OK, enough with the negative, time for some positives. I feel like I have more energy in my muscles, much less bogged down with an anchor, but at the same time, was quite sleepy in the afternoon yesterday. Just ran out of steam and took a nap.
My Systolic blood pressure, blood sugar, and weight have all gone down a bit.
Breakfast is down now and another day awaits. It really is a matter of forcing myself to move the fork from the bowl to my mouth, chew, and swallow. I don’t want to, but I have to.
If this was longer than 14 days, I don’t know if I could do it. Even 14 days sounds daunting, but like all other rehab, just taking it one day at a time.